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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 ...38 39 40 NextOne of the things that is heartbreaking to me, and I’m guessing you too, is how poverty is such a vicious cycle – so hard to escape. An article in the Washington Post a few days ago sheds a bit of light on why.
Here’s an excerpt from the article summarizing the research:
“In what was described as the first detailed portrait of its kind, researchers reported that one in nine infants in poverty had a mother with severe depression and that such mothers typically breastfed their children for shorter periods than other mothers who were poor.
‘A mom who is too sad to get up in the morning won’t be able to take care of all of her child’s practical needs,’ said researcher Olivia Golden, who co-authored the paper with two colleagues at the District-based Urban Institute. ‘If she is not able to take joy in her child, talk baby talk, play with the child – those are features of parenting that brain development research has told us contribute to babies’ and toddlers’ successful development.’”
That just makes me so very sad – as a mom and as a follower of Christ. Kids from backgrounds of poverty have so many disadvantages and this research highlights yet another one. I’m so glad that so many of you are involved in Deep Justice work both locally and globally. One person at a time, we can make a difference.
Recently I saw this Los Angeles Times article on how parents on Facebook are embarrassing their kids by the comments and posts that they make. According to this article, nearly 1/3 of teenagers would like to “unfriend” their parents.
To be honest, I’m a bit surprised it’s not higher.
But it does make me wonder about adult etiquette on teenagers’ Facebook. I tend to be more on the conservative side, not posting very often on kids’ pages and letting kids take initiative in friending me. I know it’s a great way to build relationships with kids, but I want to be sensitive to kids’ boundaries and needs for privacy. I’m 40 and I don’t need anything else that makes me a “weird adult”.
How about you? What is your Facebook etiquette with teenagers – your own or others?
I took a bit of time off last week to enjoy some summer-end fun with family and when I checked my e.mail, several of you had sent me this CNN article highlighting the research of my friend, Kenda Creasy Dean at Princeton, as described in her new book, Almost Christian: What the Faith of Our Teenagers is Telling the American Church
. Kenda and I get to see each other about once a year at a conference and we make it a point to have dinner together. She is so fun and so wise!
I thought this statement in the article was especially interesting: “No matter their background, Dean says committed Christian teens share four traits: They have a personal story about God they can share, a deep connection to a faith community, a sense of purpose and a sense of hope about their future.”
This research echoes many of the themes in our FYI College Transition Project, namely the importance of connection to the faith community (aka church) as well as parents’ modeling AND parents’ self-descriptions of their faith and the impact their faith has had on their life.
OK, this list of what NOT do do as parents sent to me by a friend and parent of a high school and college student is a bit flippant. But in the midst of all the pressures kids feel from home and from other sources, there are some great insights in here that resemble what we’re seeing in our College Transition Project. Read it, enjoy, and consider forwarding it to other parents you know.
This week a member of our original Short-Term Missions think tank, Cari Jenkins, pointed out to us an entry on the Invisible Children blog: “Discuss: putting Band-Aids on the developing world…literally”, or, “Does being a foreigner make you qualified to help in the developing world?”
The author tells stories that feel all-too-close-to-home for many of us, about short-term teams attempting to do things they aren’t equipped to do, often with great intentions but misplaced effort and money. Quoting the post directly:
Since coming to Gulu, I’ve had the chance to meet hundreds of foreign visitors, many of whom saw their time in Uganda as a chance to do something, to achieve something. I’ve met short-term missionaries who paid $4,000 US each to spend 10 days in an internally displaced peoples camp. Every morning they evangelized to camp residents; every afternoon they cleaned wounds and put Band-Aids on people. When I asked if any trained medical staff were among the group—mostly teenagers—the group leader, a first-time visitor to Uganda, shook her head.
I’m still all for short-term missions. But as we navigate the waters of respectfully coming alongside locals in our preparation and action, let’s keep in mind that Band-Aids really aren’t always the best answer to systemic problems…
Across the country, this week and next week represent a host of freshman move-in days.
Youth Specialties’ Adam McLane posts a hilarious commentary today on “3 Types of Freshmen Parents” (thanks Adam!), recalling his own freshman move-in day with a classic story.
On the other end of the college spectrum, thanks to Chris Schaffner who pointed out the NYT special on “What is it about 20-Somethings?” that ran last week. This is a lengthy, but interesting, feature on emerging adulthood (or lengthening adolescence, depending on how you look at it). I’ve only skimmed it so far, but the extensive interview with Jeffrey Arnett, who coined the term “emerging adult”, is worth the read and dialogue for anyone working with adolescents. I suspect folks will have more to say about this one.
This week as you think about students and parents you know on both ends of that spectrum — those heading to college for the first time and those who won’t be returning to college but are ambiguous about the future — remember to lift them to Jesus and drop them a line to remind them that you’re doing so.
In response to last week’s post on helicopter parenting, our friend Derek Melleby from the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding sent us a link to this interview with Margaret Nelson, author of Parenting Out of Control.
I haven’t read the book, but the interview itself is worth checking out. To fuel the dialogue around overparenting, check out this quote from Nelson:
[P]arents learn and practice child rearing styles within social groups, as ideas circulate in the media and among cliques of young mothers gathering on the playground. The practices that get established — the degree to which parents begin to use a language of “choice,” for example — may have less to do with what can be afforded than with what other people within a circle of friends and relatives find appropriate. Both parenting out of control and parenting with limits are thus reinforced by observation, discussion, and competition within the groupings of a highly stratified society.
In other words, there’s something to what Nelson calls “professional middle class” American culture that breeds helicoptering. Many parents don’t see other options, especially when they compare to others. This plays out in the comments section of the interview, where folks confess to being out of control with their own college-age kids.
In a month when many of us are supporting families whose kids are heading off to college, how can we best help parents (and kids) balance support with autonomy during this important life change?
Recently the New York Times ran this interesting article on exhaustion in the ministry and how more denominations and churches are trying to make sure that pastors take a day off (aka a Sabbath). The article points to lots of factors contributing to the overwork of pastors, ranging from spouses entering the workforce to shrinking congregations.
I’m a practical theologian so I tend to look to theological roots behind behaviors. When it comes to my own tendencies to overwork, I’ve been greatly influenced by Louie Giglio who says that if God is the great “I am,” that makes us the great “I am not.”
God is the shepherd. I am not.
God is the worker. I am not.
I am not. I am not. I am not.
It’s so much easier for me to take a day off, unplug from e.mail, and truly enjoy the Lord and my dear friends and family when I realize that God is God. And I am not.
Reggie Joiner has become a valued friend and he handed me his new book (co-authored with Carey Nieuwhof) last week called Parenting Beyond Your Capacity
.
I love the way Reggie and Carey address the debate regarding whether parents should invest quantity or quality time with their kids. They write, “It’s not quantity or quality time you need as a family – it’s the quantity of quality times”.
Beautiful.
As with so many so-called “debates,” the best answer is a creative both/and combination. Parents need as much quality time as possible with their kids.
So the next time you wonder that yourself as a parent, or you’re having a discussion with a parent about time with their kids, feel free to share the importance of great quantity of great quality times.
Last week I got to spend 24 hours with the great leadership team of reThink in Atlanta, Georgia. I first met Reggie Joiner last fall and we had a great connection.
With Reggie’s team, we had a great discussion about how to best engage with parents. The reality is that parents are the primary influence on their kids – far more influential than church leaders. And yet the last thing parents need is to be motivated by a sense of guilt or a long “to do” list of all the behaviors they should be doing that feels overwhelming. It feels overwhelming because it is overwhelming.
Reggie gave me the new book he co-authored with Carey Nieuwhof called Parenting Beyond Your Capacity. I love their definition of spiritual leadership for parents: “Spiritual leadership means parents assume the primary responsibility to help their kids take the next step in their pursuit of a relationship with God.”
It’s one step forward.
That reminds me of an invitation at our church that we’ve extended – help one person who doesn’t know Jesus yet take one step closer to Him.
I love that focus on “one step forward”. It’s so do-able and motivating, while not being overwhelming.
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