How young is too young for social media?

Today’s post-pandemic kids—on the bubble between Generations Z and Alpha—have a lot to navigate. Though tech-savvy themselves, their mostly-Millennial parents either underestimate or feel overwhelmed by the new challenges facing the smartphone generation they’re raising.

Maybe you’re one of those parents or caregivers. Or maybe you’re a ministry leader trying to offer support and answer families’ questions like:

How young is too young for a smartphone?
How young is too young for Instagram?
How young is too young for Snapchat, TikTok, or this month’s hottest video game?
How young is too young to have your own YouTube channel, or to create and post content on any platform?

We all know children and tweens who regularly use social media, but up to now, the technical legal answer to that question (and our own advice from FYI) has been age 13. It’s still the legal answer. But support is mounting to shift that threshold higher.

What’s wrong with allowing younger teens access to social media?

What’s the big deal, really? Doesn’t each generation of parents fear new technology that ultimately becomes benignly woven into our social fabric? Is today's social media just the MTV of the 1980s or AOL chatrooms of the late ‘90s and early 2000s?

In short, no. It’s not even the same as 2010-era Facebook. Now children are born into a smartphone-saturated world in which tiny screens offer endless distraction and constant connection. Today’s interactive and responsive global network is created by adults for adults—with shockingly few guardrails for kids.

While we still don’t know enough to say definitively, research continues to suggest that the potential negative impacts of today’s social media on kids and young adolescents outweigh the potential benefits. Yes, social media can be good, helpful, and positive for some teens. But the risks of harm are real, scary, and growing.

A renewed movement is afoot to prevent harm and ensure these platforms are safe places for kids moving through the vulnerabilities of adolescence—especially for young people under age 14 (with some experts lobbying to raise the minimum age to 16).

Here’s a summary of that argument.

1. Brain development and mental health are at risk

The US Surgeon General recently called for an official warning label on social media platforms, urging the public to consider:

“The mental health crisis among young people is an emergency — and social media has emerged as an important contributor. Adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social media face double the risk of anxiety and depression symptoms, and the average daily use in this age group, as of the summer of 2023, was 4.8 hours. Additionally, nearly half of adolescents say social media makes them feel worse about their bodies.”

This followed a prior strong advisory outlining the “profound risk of harm” social media can have on young people. One of those risks is disrupting typical adolescent brain development. The advisory warns:

“… in early adolescence, when identities and sense of self-worth are forming, brain development is especially susceptible to social pressures, peer opinions, and peer comparison. Frequent social media use may be associated with distinct changes in the developing brain in the amygdala (important for emotional learning and behavior) and the prefrontal cortex (important for impulse control, emotional regulation, and moderating social behavior), and could increase sensitivity to social rewards and punishments.

… Adolescent social media use is predictive of a subsequent decrease in life satisfaction for certain developmental stages including for girls 11–13 years old and boys 14–15 years old.”

The American Psychological Association similarly issued a health advisory on social media use in adolescence. Based on mounting scientific evidence, experts recommend that families practice “a combination of 1) social media limits and boundaries, and 2) adult–child discussion and coaching around social media use.” While these recommendations are relatively vague, the APA is clear about this: sleep and physical exercise are critical for teen development and mental health (including reducing suicide risk), and social media use should not interfere with either.

2. The news is decidedly worse for girls

Boys face plenty of risks in the online world. Exposure to sexually explicit content can warp their understanding of bodies and relationships. Endless gaming can endanger social connection, exercise and physical health, sleep, and school success. But when it comes to social media, girls face even greater risks.

According to the APA’s advisory, research particularly links girls’ use of social media for comparing appearance as well as “excessive attention to and behaviors related to one’s own photos and feedback on those photos” with poorer body image, disordered eating, and depressive symptoms.

Social media companies are not unaware of this research. In fact, thanks to a series of whistleblower leaks from 2021-2023, we know that an internal study at Meta (the parent company of Instagram and Facebook) revealed that “32% of teen girls said that when they felt bad about their bodies, Instagram made them feel worse.” This figure was double the percentage of boys who reported feeling worse about themselves during or after using the platform. These apps (and plenty of others) offer photo filtering and augmentation of all kinds, adding to the perception that others look more perfect and creating an impossible beauty standard for girls. What’s more, the algorithms for many platforms push content to teens promoting bullying, drug abuse, eating disorders, and self-harm, and girls are more at risk (in part because they spend so much more time on social media on average than boys).

A 2023 Common Sense Media study with teenage girls found similar levels across multiple channels: “Roughly one in three girls who use TikTok (31%), Instagram (32%), and Snapchat (28%) say they feel bad about their body at least weekly when using these platforms.”

This study also found that 40% of girls see harmful images and videos related to suicide at least once a month on Instagram and TikTok (the figures jump to around 70% for those who are experiencing moderate or severe depressive symptoms). About a third say they see content related to eating disorders at least once a month on Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, and YouTube.

3. Young people are spending less time with friends in person, which is a health risk

Related to concerns about young teens getting enough sleep and exercise critical for their overall well-being (especially mental health), research points to another concerning trend that is gaining attention: young people are spending less time together than ever.

Teenagers need to be together—in person, in the same space at the same time. This sounds simple, and certainly, the pandemic elevated both the worries and the negative effects associated with a lack of peer connection. But the downward trend of peer-to-peer time has been accelerating for well over a decade as smartphone, social media, and gaming use have all dramatically increased.

Kids and teens spend less time in person with peers than prior generations, less time in free play, less time outdoors, and less time experiencing risk. Of course, there are upsides to these changes when it comes to physical safety. According to the Survey Center on American Life, Gen Z adults are less likely than any older generation to report that they drank alcohol or used tobacco or other drugs in their teens. They’re also less likely to report having sexual encounters. However, they are more likely to report often feeling lonely or isolated. And they’re less likely to report regularly attending religious services.

Psychological researchers such as Jonathan Haidt and Jean Twenge have compiled decades of research to draw direct lines between the rise in smartphone and social media use (sharply increasing around 2010-2013) and the downturn in time young people spend together. The same conglomerations of studies show correlations between this friend time deficit and the rise in numerous mental health concerns (most notably clinical anxiety and depression) and suicidality. As Haidt summarizes, “We have overprotected our children in the real world and underprotected them online.”

Concerned about kids and social media? Here’s what you can do

1. If kids haven’t yet joined social media

Delay, delay, delay
This advice is encouraged by the APA and echoed by adolescent psychologists such as Lisa Damour, who voices an additional reason to hold off: Wait until skepticism kicks in. Around age 14 or so, kids start to become skeptical of what they see and hear. Their brains begin to evaluate messages more critically. While this can be painful at times for parents (and youth leaders!), it’s a useful mental tool for navigating social media.

Damour also recommends parents consider this question: When is this particular kid ready to go to an unsupervised party? Many of the same types of risks and tricky situations that we imagine at teen parties are present in social media spaces.

You have the law on your side here. As much as an 11-year-old seems mature enough to handle an Instagram account or exchange Snapchats only with an older sister … it’s still against the rules. Parental consent is required for sharing photos, videos, geolocation data, user names, and device IDs with any online platform.

Haidt goes further, recommending no smartphones before high school and no social media before age 16.

Give them other options to meet their needs for social connection
Social connection is a real need for preteens and teenagers. Chances are good that your younger adolescent is asking for a phone or social media to stay in touch with real-life friends. Like all adolescents, they’re looking for belonging, and digital spaces certainly can be places of belonging for young people. But there are also ways to help them ease into digital communication.

For example, start with texting or iMessage, which can done from a computer or tablet. Start with a basic phone like a Gabb device with built-in limits on apps and usage. Caregivers may also need to help facilitate kids getting together in person with their friends, including offering to host hangouts or drive them around to do things together.

Attending school in person and participating in sports and extracurricular activities like theater or scouting can all help increase peer-to-peer time. And yes, church involvement and youth group participation offer all kinds of social, emotional, health, and spiritual benefits.

Start with one platform
Easy does it. While a young person might want to explore Snapchat, TikTok, and Instagram all at once, that’s likely to be overwhelming.

Start with one account on one platform, and you (if you’re the parent or guardian) get to hold the password to that account and can access the device on which it’s used at any time. If you’re not already using the platform yourself, consider starting your own account so you can learn how it works.

2. If kids have already joined social media

Talk openly about concerns
Be specific about your worries. You might start by saying, “I’ve been reading more about the latest research on kids and social media, and I want to share some of that with you and get your perspective.” Utilize some of the findings in this post as talking points, then ask, “What do you think? How does that research match or not match your own experiences or those of your friends?”

Then follow up with your specific concerns. Body image, anxiety, bullying, suicidality, sexual content, AI deep fakes, racism, predators—your concerns may produce some eye-rolling, but clear is better than vague. If you’ve seen particularly concerning behaviors, raise those and express that you want to work together to ensure social media is a safe and healthy place for this teen to spend time.

Teach digital literacy
Addiction-forming user designs are features, not bugs, of virtually all social platforms and video games. Teens need to know that the goal of nearly every app is to keep users there, spending their time, attention, and ideally, money. There are shrewd businesspeople behind these platforms who are acting with their best interests in mind, not young people’s.

Teach them about algorithms in social media that not only keep you endlessly scrolling but also feed curated content based on your gender, age, interests, and past usage. For example, girls are more likely to receive ads and suggested content related to skin care and exercise, which flow into content promoting body shaming and disordered eating. Teens (especially over age 14) hate being manipulated, so knowing this going in will help them navigate what comes at them.

Go over online safety rules. Then do it again. Online safety is a lot like bike safety. You don’t think about it much until something happens and you’re glad you were wearing a helmet.

Use the tools available to set and keep limits around content, time, and usage. Most devices, apps, and services offer numerous options for parental guardrails, and third-party services provide wrap-around monitoring. Don’t hide what you’re setting up for kids; they will resent the monitoring even more if they find out later that you were watching behind their backs. And as kids get into their mid-teens and show more responsibility and self-restraint, dial back the monitoring and controls so they can build more agency before they move into the independence of early adulthood.

Draw clear boundaries around sleep
Adolescent sleep deprivation has maintained a concerning spike since 2013 (around the same year when, for the first time, a majority of teens owned smartphones). Research is clear that sleep and mental health go hand in hand, not to mention school performance.

Families can set and keep limits to protect sleep, and this battle is worth fighting. Sleep is so critical for everything else a teenager needs to be healthy. Ideally, all devices should be powered down from 45 minutes to one hour before bedtime (to allow natural melatonin to kick in and make young people sleepy). Institute a “no screens overnight” rule to keep them out of bedrooms and prevent glowing, buzzing notifications to tempt young people to keep tuned in. (Invest in an old-fashioned alarm clock so kids can wake themselves up in the morning).

Watch for warning signs
The APA offers a well-researched list of problematic use that might “impair their ability to engage in daily roles and routines and may present risk for more serious psychological harms over time,” including:

• a tendency to use social media even when they want to stop or realize it is interfering with necessary tasks
• spending excessive effort to ensure continuous access to social media
• strong cravings to use social media, or disruptions in other activities from missing social media use too much
• repeatedly spending more time on social media than intended
• lying or deceptive behavior to retain access to social media use
• loss or disruption of significant relationships or educational opportunities because of media use

What we can all do to make a difference for young people

I know a small group of families with similar-aged kids who agreed together to delay smartphones until late middle school and delay social media use until high school. While the kids may not have always liked this arrangement, these adults created a web of digital protection that stretched beyond one family and created a new norm (if on a micro-level). Movements like Wait Until 8th offer resources for parents and leaders who want to expand this trend.

Collective action on a broader scale is needed. It’s going to take a lot more than what one or two families can do to shift the current reality around social media use among kids and teens. It may take policy changes and legislation.* It will take families lobbying tech companies who continue to create and profit from teen social media consumption. It will certainly take families working together, and perhaps communities deciding to limit or even ban cell phone use during school to help reverse unhealthy campus norms.

Our concerns about young people and social media can be overwhelming. But the more parents, youth leaders, educators, and caring adults talk to each other, the more change is possible.

*The last time the federal government took action on children’s online privacy was in 1998 through the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA). The Kids Online Safety Act (KOSA) is current bipartisan legislation that would require social media companies to provide better protections for users under age 17. It also would require companies to provide guardians with more control over minors’ use of a platform. KOSA passed the Senate in July 2024, but its future is uncertain.