“I don't think I've ever had a church leader really try to get to know me.” 

 
Our team has launched new research into how Gen Alpha (born 2010 and later) is exploring identity, belonging, purpose, faith, and spirituality. In our interviews with Gen Alpha teens, we asked: What can church leaders do that would help teenagers like you feel like they belong? This 11th-grade boy from Kansas shared honestly about what it’s like to feel connected (or not) in his church’s youth ministry.

“I feel like youth groups definitely help. But sometimes youth group can feel impersonal, especially if you're just one in a crowd. I feel like it’s important to get on a personal level and communicate with students to make them feel like they belong. Leaders should really try to meet them where they are and empathize and love them.

I don't think I've ever had a church leader really try to get to know me. I've definitely had leaders who have empathized and talked with me, so they get to know me to an extent, but they never really try to deeply understand me. I feel like almost nobody does that. Almost nobody tries to really, truly understand one another.”

I wish no teenager had to say that they’ve never had a church leader really try to deeply understand them. I wish no teenager felt like nobody even does that anymore. And I’m committed to reversing this perception—among my students and yours.

In addition to our research interviews, we recorded a series of on-camera conversations with young people. The insights below draw on both, sometimes as direct quotes. We asked questions like, “What’s difficult about being a teenager?” and “What do you think adults need to know about what it’s like to grow up now?” and got a wealth of insight in return. We’re passing those tips along to you so you can share them with with other adults on your team. 

4 habits to swap when connecting with Gen Alpha teens in your youth ministry

1. Maximize your understanding instead of minimizing teens’ experiences

“Even if our problems seem small to you, they seem much bigger to us.” 

Teenagers are clear that it hurts when adults dismiss or minimize their big feelings, thoughts, changes, and experiences. As one young person shared, “Adults may romanticize how easy it is to be a teenager . . . But it’s still hard. You guys have been doing this for a long time. And we have not.” 

At the same time, they don’t want to be treated like little kids. They want to be seen as “in-between,” navigating a complicated era the best they can. Another interviewee described this tension:  

“I feel like a lot of adults already know this, but teenagers feel like they are really smart. They don't like being treated like kids. But we're also not adults. We want responsibility, but sometimes it might be too much for us. But we don't want to be treated like kids.” 

Try this: Think of a recent situation when you may have unintentionally minimized a young person’s feelings or experiences. What might it look like to respond differently next time?
 

2. Recognize that the weight of the world and the future can feel heavy 

Adults might think about teenagers as living in a sort of bubble, but they want us to see, in the words of one young person, that “We are also living in this world, and feeling all the things going on in the world around us.” It’s heavy to scroll through their news feeds. The weight of injustice globally, nationally, and locally sits on their shoulders, too, but they may feel unable to help or uncertain of how.

The future can also feel heavy in light of economic uncertainty, AI’s impact on jobs and the environment, and the specter of war. In the midst of this, high schoolers are also supposed to be making big decisions about their own future direction. One said she wished that adults understood, “It's just a lot to feel that weight … every single day.”

Try this: Consider a student who seems to be feeling a lot of pressure about the future. What is a better question to ask than how college apps are coming along or what they’re planning to do next year?
 

3. Get curious instead of assuming

I was recently speaking at a youth pastors’ retreat and one leader spoke up during group discussion. “There’s a real tech divide among our students. Some have access to everything, others have nothing.” This divide may be less about socioeconomics and more about parental choices. In an age when opinions run hot about how much tech access to give kids, how young is too young for social media, or a host of other things, two students in the same grade might have very distinct day-to-day experiences. 

Thinking through a ministry lens, our assumptions about technology use or references to pop culture can further the gap students may already feel. This threatens belonging, which is central to ministry impact. So instead of assuming a 13-year-old spends hours of their week on TikTok, start by asking, “What are you into these days?”

You might be surprised to hear about a great book series they’re reading, or a new skill they’re trying to teach themselves. An athletic, high-energy freshman boy recently mentioned he’d been spending a lot of hours on YouTube, so I asked what kinds of things he was watching. I was surprised to hear that he was learning about advanced physics, going down rabbit holes based on theories he was curious about. My surprise was rooted in wrong assumptions. As another teenager shared in our video interviews, “Not all teenagers are bad. A lot are kind of innocent.”

Try this: Suspend what you think you already know about a student and ask a genuinely curious question about their life or interests.
 

4. Be clear and be patient when it comes to faith 

“We’re exploring our faith. Have patience, and also push us to keep pursuing it.”

Here’s another set of assumptions we might implicitly hold: they understand what we mean when we use church words, they can decipher Bible language, and they can translate ancient cultural norms to their context. 

We may not actually believe these assumptions are true, but too often we teach and lead discussions as if they are. In the words of teenagers, “Sometimes adults don’t explain things well, and get frustrated really easily.” Or maybe more often, we completely miss that students don’t know what we’re talking about because they may not feel it’s safe to ask.

Try this: Next time you are preparing to teach or lead a discussion on a Bible passage, circle all of the words that might be unknown or confusing to students and think ahead of time about ways to explain them simply. 

 What’s it really like to be a teenager today? 

Find out with the free Gen Alpha Toolkit

Our newest research is now a full toolkit, built to help ministry leaders like you connect with Gen Alpha teens and help their faith last. The Gen Alpha Toolkit includes:

• The FYI on Gen Alpha research report: practical, ministry-ready insights you can use right away
• “What It’s Like to Be a Teenager” video: a window into teens’ world, perfect for starting conversations with your team or parents
• Discussion guides: ready-to-use questions for your leaders, volunteers, and parents

Fill out the form to download the toolkit today and equip your ministry to disciple today's teens for lasting faith.