3 truths young youth ministry leaders wish senior pastors understood

“The 30 years you put into ministry for this church to be successful and thrive will die if you do not recognize the need to start changing some of the culture and the pressures you put on your associate staff.” —young adult youth leader and associate pastor

Dear senior pastors, lead pastors, and senior church leaders,

As a part of our Youth Leader Burnout and Wellbeing research last year, I had the privilege of sitting down and listening to young adult youth leaders (those ages 18–24 who lead youth ministry in their church). While asking them about their experiences in ministry, I learned so much.

I discovered how passionate they are about their work and ministry.

I heard how they want to make a difference for God, the church, and young people.

And I gained some insight into what they are looking for from you.

When you first hired your young, twentysomething youth pastor or leader, you were probably excited to have someone full of energy and enthusiasm on staff. You pictured how well they’d relate to teenagers, and you believed they could bring new people to church.

When they were first hired, they were excited to live their dream of serving in ministry. They couldn’t wait to pour into young people. And they were looking forward to being discipled by you.

And there lies the conflict.

You may have thought you were hiring an employee.

They thought they were gaining a mentor.

Now the question is: What do you do?

3 truths about supporting young adults who lead youth ministries

From our research with over 1,000 ministry leaders, here are 3 things I’ve found young adult youth leaders wish you knew:

1. No youth leader is an island.

No person may be an island, but many young adult youth ministry leaders feel like they’re stranded on one. One interviewee shared:

I genuinely think the reason people burn out is because they’re on that island. They live there. They've pitched a tent there. It's almost like the movie Castaway. Now I’m stuck here, and I’m going to try to get out. And for whatever reason, the waves keep breaking my little raft I’ve made. So now I’m washed back up on shore.

I think sometimes, unintentionally, church members and leaders, when they’re talking to [youth] ministers, they are like the airplane that passes over the island and doesn’t see. They’re the boat that just doesn't see. And they’re passing by that island, and the minister is waving, “Hey! Help me!” Because I’m sitting here on this island, and I’m by myself, and I don't know what’s going on. I need church leaders to help me as a fellow church leader. But then, finally, whenever we do get rescued, it’s either by another church or by some other vocation.

As you can tell from this quote, youth ministers who are young adults need more guidance than a ministry veteran with fifteen years of experience does. Therefore, it’s crucial to build in structures and one-to-one meeting time to offer the support and encouragement these young leaders need.

More than just asking them for updates on the ministry, ask them about their life. Offer tangible lifelines when they need help, and be willing to learn from what they have to say. Mentorship for young adults today is a two-way street. They want to learn from you, but they also hope you’re willing to learn from what they have to say.

2. It takes a village—not one youth leader—to disciple a teenager.

Young adult youth ministry leaders today recognize that teenagers need more than one adult at church who cares about them. Teenagers need an intergenerational community to which they belong, which means youth leaders can’t be successful without your collaboration when it comes to fostering intergenerational relationships across the church.

One 23-year-old youth leader told his church leadership that a 15-year-old needed additional support, as he was being ostracized by his family for attending their church. The leaders replied, “The church will support him.” But this youth leader soon learned that the “church” supporting him actually meant, “You support him.” He lamented during our interview:

“Why can’t any of these other leaders take him under their wing?”

This youth leader could see how other adults in the church needed to rally around this 15-year-old, but they unfortunately didn’t share his vision.

As a senior leader, here are a few ways you can cast that vision of intergenerational discipleship in your congregation:

• Share stories of older and younger people doing ministry and life together in your church.
• Highlight intergenerational relationships and passages in the Bible, like Naomi and Ruth, Elijah and Elisha, Paul and Timothy, and Psalm 78 or 145.
• Support your youth leader in making one-to-one connections between at-risk teenagers and trustworthy adults in the congregation.

Leading ministry by age and stage may be more familiar to you, but perhaps God is inviting you to explore something new for the sake of young people and for the sake of the church.

3. Success = longevity + health (not short-term growth)

As much as young adult youth leaders want to receive your mentorship, they also want you to recognize they’re not you. They have different values, experiences, and expectations. One young adult youth leader and associate pastor shared:

There is a generational gap in church leadership. What does it mean to teach younger people not to do ministry the same way you were taught to do it? . . . This has been happening for generations on end, where pastors grind themselves to a pulp. . . . [What if senior leaders actually] affirmed associate leaders by saying, “I don't expect you to kill yourself for this job, because if you try to kill yourself for this job, you won't be here in ten years. Because I care more about your long-term success than I do our current season of success.” . . . And I think that is coming, particularly in my parents' generation. Gen X is like, “Hey, this is how our parents taught us, and we’re getting into our 40s and 50s, and we go, ‘This is just not good, right? This is just not a healthy thing. And we got to teach our kids to do this differently.’"

This young adult youth leader longed to be in ministry long-term, but was already feeling the pressure to sacrifice himself on the altar of ministry instead of growing into the kind of healthy, lifelong leader he hoped to be. He concluded the interview by sharing,

“Success is about longevity, not about how hard you pour into your current ministry.”

Then, speaking directly to me, he implored, “Please share this with senior pastors.”

At a very young age, many youth ministry leaders are already thinking about how they desire to still be in ministry decades later. And they don’t want to lose their heart, integrity, or soul in the process.

For their sake, as well as your own, consider what aspects of your leadership and ministry culture reflect what you truly value—versus what values or habits you may be simply carrying on from previous generations’ examples. These questions can get you started:

1. How am I prioritizing my mental health and well-being to support my long-term ministry?

2. How am I prioritizing the mental health and well-being of my staff and volunteers?

3. What habits or practices are holding us back from being a thriving team and church?

4. What new habits or practices do I want to begin so I can lead a thriving team and church?

Support your youth leader for a long and healthy ministry

The FYI Report on Youth Leader Burnout & Wellbeing offers fresh perspective on common contributors to burnout among youth leaders, partnered with practical recommendations to prevent burnout and promote their wellbeing. Download the FREE report today, and together let’s turn the tide on youth leader burnout.

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