How to lead with grace—even when you’re leaving

A conversation I had once with a good friend I’ve known since middle school:

Me: How do you know when you’re done with ministry?

Friend: You already know.

Me: Wait, what?!

Friend: You already know when you’re done. Tell me—do you want to be doing this job when you’re 80?

Me: No.

Friend: Then we just need to work back from there to see when you are done. Do you want to be doing this job when you’re 70? 60? 50…?

That’s the moment I realized I needed to leave youth ministry as a job. Then, the question was how to finish well before burning out.

I’ve worked with enough ministry leaders to know that the circumstances leading to burnout are different for everyone. However, our research on youth leader wellbeing identified three very common ones:

1. Workload
2. Lack of appreciation
3. Lack of perceived impact

Regardless of the reason, if you’re not caring for your own soul, are in an unhealthy situation, or just need something fresh, there is no shame in admitting it’s time for a pause to reimagine, retool, or move on to something new. Faithful leaders don’t just exhibit care for others; they model discipleship by caring for themselves, slowing down, or leaving with grace.

4 steps to follow when you’re thinking about stepping away

Here are a few tips to keep in mind as you discern what is next for your health.

1.  Use ALL of your resources

Hasty decisions based solely on emotion can often lead to regret. If you’re on the edge of burnout, aim to make decisions of hope, not despair. In order to do that you need to give yourself unencumbered time.

Years ago, I heard about a pastor who encouraged his team to recover from busy seasons on the church’s time. That idea has stuck with me. Some churches offer days off and sabbaticals in order to maintain employee health and team vibrancy. I’ve tried to utilize the time given by churches who employed me to rest, recover, and rejuvenate—but most importantly to discern how to move forward. If you’re a volunteer, you have the ability to create your own boundaries. Utilize your resources as an invitation to listen to the Lord and consult with your community. Slow down enough to explore what needs to change and how to go about it.

While being on the edge of burnout doesn’t always mean you need to quit your job, at times that may be the exact thing you need. Whatever you do, exhaustion will require you to pause and reset the way you do things. If you do not lean into this truth, your decision may be made for you.

2. Center your trust in the Lord

So many pressures keep us in our roles. Let’s be real: a paycheck may be one of them. You may also be feeling the desire to keep relationships, fulfill a sense of purpose, maintain family stability, and so many other factors. These realities are important to acknowledge. In your discernment, please remember that you are called to Jesus. Leaning into the practices that ground you in Christ are going to hold you and give you the clarity and peace to know what is next, including how you are going to support yourself.

Hear these words from researchers in the FYI Report on Youth Leader Burnout & Wellbeing:

“Remember, you are MORE than what you do. You are a youth leader with a sacred calling. And you are also a beloved child of God. More than anything else, friend, we want you to remember this: you are loved, and you are enough—in the seasons where you’re hovering near burnout and in those when you’re thriving.”

If you’re discerning your next steps in ministry, consider these questions to help you think about your walk with Jesus during this time:

What is fueling you to keep going?

Are you listening to and sharing stories of God at work?

What spiritual practice or discipline is speaking to your heart at the moment?

Where can you participate in corporate worship that is life-giving?

3. Discern what’s next, bring a plan, and tell a story

Whether you take time off or move on, do so with community. Seek wise council as to how you might leave well. If you can, share your discernment process and plan with someone in church leadership whom you trust. If your church doesn’t seem like a safe space or you feel it may be detrimental to have this conversation with church leadership, find other friends or colleagues to walk with you. Our team at FYI loves to connect youth leaders in cohorts, and there are many opportunities to find people who do what you do and can support you.

Creating and communicating a plan helps you advocate for yourself and your family as you reset your rhythms, reimagine your role, or resign from your job. Without one, the church will design and decide one for you. So take the lead by creating a starting place for the conversation, and bring a thoughtful conversation with integrity. Many churches and leaders will respect and honor your desire to maintain the peace and unity of the church. Consider giving clear reasons for time away and suggestions on how you might rest, opportunities for spiritual renewal, and how you might reengage—even if you don’t have that fully worked out. You may also want to invite the church to financially support you.

Finally, tell your story! There’s a story about how the Lord brought you to serve at that particular church. The story about how God is leading you to continue your time or to end your time there is part of your discernment. Tell your story of release with the same clarity that you talked about your story of accepting the position. That’s the story you’re inviting the church to participate in, too, as they seek God’s leading in the current moment.

4.  Lead with grace while you leave

Just because you are leaving a role or stepping away for a season does not mean you are not leading. Your example continues to lead your students, volunteers, parents, colleagues, and others. That doesn’t mean to be silent about your experiences or needs. It does mean to lean on grace: Grace for the hurtful things that people will say. Grace for the parents who don’t know how to say goodbye. Grace for the leaders who hide behind marketplace best practices. Grace for yourself. It’s a dance, not a to-do list. Grace is a value to honor and hold. When we hide in God’s grace, we allow our discernment to be led by how much God loves us, not by what we can do.

If you’re currently asking, “Am I on the edge of burnout?” or “How do I know when to step away?,” slow down, lean into Jesus and the people who know you best, discern what is next, and take clear steps to follow God’s lead. Bless you as you continue to follow Jesus into what is next.

Discover top practices youth leaders recommend to prevent burnout and promote their wellbeing.

We listened to more than 1,100 youth ministry leaders through surveys and in-depth interviews, and we’re eager to share what we’ve learned. The FYI Report on Youth Leader Burnout & Wellbeing sheds light on common contributors to burnout amongst youth leaders, as well as top practices youth leaders recommend to prevent burnout and promote their wellbeing. You’ll find the latest insights, encouragement from leaders like you, and practical tips for longevity in your ministry.

Complete the form to get immediate access to the report!