I was so pleased to have the chance to read (well, at least thoroughly skim) Mark Oestreicher‘s new Understanding Your Young Teen: Practical Wisdom for Parentsbook. Marko from The Youth Cartel has been a long-time friend (and even been my former boss; yes, I can tell some stories, but I won’t because he can too) and part of what I loved about reading the book is that his voice and wisdom shine through so clearly.
In this and in tomorrow’s blog, I’m going to excerpt and comment on some of my favorite parts of the book – parts that are helpful to me as a parent of a fifth grader, and I hope will be helpful to you as a youth leader or parent of young teens or even older teens.
The first is Marko’s one-word definition for middle schoolers. According to Marko, when he asks parents and leaders to define young teens in one word, some of the answers he gets back are: stressed, immature, confused, impossible, fun, potential, emerging, spontaneous, and unpredictable.
None of those are un-true, but Marko’s best one-word definition for the young teen experience is “change”. I’ll admit I’m biased because that is also my best one-word definition, but nonetheless, as Marko says well, “The life of a middle schooler is all about change. As previously noticed, it’s the second most significant period of change in the human lifespan.”
If you know a young teen, this isn’t a surprise to you. You know that they are undergoing monumental internal, developmental changes (e.g., cognitive, physical, relational, spiritual).
Interestingly, one of the things we have learned during our Sticky Faith Cohorts is that change is hard. Even when it’s a good change, even when it’s a change you (or someone else) wants to make, it’s still hard. As Dr. Scott Cormode at Fuller regularly reminds our Sticky Faith Churches, “Change involves loss.”
When we look at the 12 or 14 year-olds (and maybe even 16 and 18 year-olds) around us, it can seem like they are gaining so much. In the case of young teens, they are gaining new freedoms, social skills, intellectual abilities, and even faith experiences. Yet they are also losing something: they are losing some of the simplicity of their earlier childhood, some of the lack-of-stress that comes from not paying attention to social dynamics, and even some of the confusion that comes from trying to juggle two or more thoughts simultaneously (especially when those are abstract thoughts).
I see this in my own son. As he moves into young adolescence, he is gaining so much, and yet with that gain comes additional stress.
As I initially wrote that, I was thinking about his stress. But adolescence does bring some new stressors into Dave’s and my life. Don’t get me wrong: I’m looking forward to being a parent of teenagers. But I know it will be draining.
So maybe my one-word definition for young teens should be expanded to three: Change. Gains. Loss.
Humans, that is, here on the earth at the same time. The hype began to build last year as National Geographic did a series on mapping the characteristics of the world’s “typical” person. Recently David Livermore pointed out a link to a BBC counter that tells you where you fit into the 7 billion according to UN estimates.
Finding our “place” in the story of humanity is kind of fun (I’m estimated as the 4,158,745,481st person alive when I was born).
As the population continues to rise, part of the question is “What does this mean?” Here’s the BBC’s take on this:
Is the sky falling?
Could be. But whatever our current or future reality as a global community, chances are the students in your ministry or home have little awareness of what’s going on with world population growth or why or how it might matter. They probably have even less awareness of what it might mean to faithfully live as a Christ-follower into our increasingly large–and at the same time increasingly small/flat/connected–world.
With Martin Luther King, Jr. Day approaching this weekend, I can’t help but think that issues like racial/ethnic reconciliation, interfaith dialogue, and deep justice kinds of questions are bound up together in how we look at world population growth.
What do you think we need to be doing to faithfully guide the adolescents among us into adults who notice, care, and respond to these issues with Kingdom perspective?
In a NY Times article called Seeing Social Media More as Portal Than as Pitfall this week, the advent of social media and its culture-shifting implications is compared by some to the introduction of the telephone over a century past. The article (written by a pediatrician) notes that much of the early research and cultural commentary has been based on the “danger paradigm” that social media is the new root of all evil. Yet some wonder:
Though there are certainly real dangers, and though some adolescents appear to be particularly vulnerable, scientists are now turning to a more nuanced understanding of this new world. Many have started to approach social media as an integral, if risky, part of adolescence, perhaps not unlike driving.
In the 1970s Marshall McLuhan warned us that media forms are never neutral; they always shape us as we use them. In other words, it’s both the medium and the message that matter, and we’re naïve to think otherwise (read an interview I did with Shane Hipps nearly five years ago for a fascinating take on this). Clay Shirky of New York University is quoted in the article as saying, “Rather than taking a one-size-fits-all harm model, one of the questions parents need to ask is, ‘How is this going to interact with my child’s personality?’ ”
If social media constitute the cultural waters our adolescents now swim in as they work out the big questions of identity, autonomy, and belonging, there’s probably a whole slew of questions parents and youth workers alike should be asking. It’s not all bad, but it’s not all neutral either.
What are the big questions you think we should be asking ourselves and the adolescents around us when it comes to social media as a “portal” for the adolescent journey?
In a report with a stellar title, “Why A Teen Who Talks Back May Have A Bright Future,” NPR’s Patti Neighmond recently shared good news for frustrated parents everywhere: all that conflict might lead somewhere positive after all.
According to new research from the University of Virginia, parent-teen arguments should be seen as a “critical training ground” for how to build skills in handling disagreements throughout life. The study followed teenagers and their parents from age 13-16, looking at the way they handled conflict about common issues (grades, chores, money, friends). The researchers noted:
“The teens who learned to be calm and confident and persuasive with their parents acted the same way when they were with their peers,” [lead researcher Joseph P. Allen] says. They were able to confidently disagree, saying ‘no’ when offered alcohol or drugs. In fact, they were 40 percent more likely to say ‘no’ than kids who didn’t argue with their parents… Kids who felt confident to express themselves to their parents also felt confident being honest with their friends.
This doesn’t mean parents should put on boxing gloves and duke out every argument with their kids, but it also doesn’t mean parents should try to squelch conflict (either through overpowering or conceding). Instead, the researchers recommend that parents learn to listen well. In fact, they found that when parents listened well, their kids (here’s the big payoff) listened back.
Parents who listen foster teenagers who listen. Sounds like a revolutionary win-win, doesn’t it?
Today’s post is by guest blogger Matt Laidlaw, a high school pastor at Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids Michigan. We’re so inspired with the way their team is inspiring Deep Justice we asked them to guest blog for FYI.
For the past 5 years Mars Hill has partnered with World Relief to support Turame Community Finance—a microfinance resource in Burundi, Africa, one of the poorest nations of the world. Microenterprise functions with the belief that given the proper resources and support, the poor can lift themselves out of poverty through their own effort, energy, creativity, and entrepreneurship. This revolutionary idea has shaped how we’ve invited our high school students to participate in supporting this project. Because similarly, we believe that given the right support and resources, our high school students can accomplish remarkable things on behalf of others.
So every November and December, Anthem (high school) Students take a hands-on approach to our microfinance initiative by borrowing $5 to start their own small business. They sign loan agreements, agree to pay back $1 a week, and work hard with other students and leaders to create profits that can be donated to Turame. Since 2007, our students have taken out 634 loans from our church (that’s $3,170). Their hard work and ingenuity has led to nearly a 100% repayment rate and almost $12,000 in profits, which have been donated to Turame. From designing clothing and jewelry, to hosting a video game marathon, our 9th-12th graders continue to model to our community what it looks like to actually live out the mission of our church.
For a few examples of our student’s creativity and ingenuity and more info about the work Mars Hill is doing through Turame, checkout the following links:
PS: Mars Hill Students is hosting a youth ministry Collaborative in Grand Rapids on February 11th featuring Kara Powell and Sticky Faith. Register online.
If you’re like me, you spent time during the holidays thinking (and hopefully praying) about goals for 2012. Many of my goals relate to my ongoing challenges in balancing ministry and motherhood, as well as the future of FYI.
This December Harvard Business Review blog on How to Accomplish More by Doing Less immediately grabbed my attention. It has helped me think not just about how to divide my time, but how to maximize my time by making sure I get enough rest. Here’s the part of the blog that most struck me:
Create a workplace that truly values a balanced relationship between intense work and real renewal, and you’ll not only get greater productivity from employees, but also higher engagement and job satisfaction.
There’s plenty of evidence that increased rest and renewal serve performance.
Consider a study conducted by NASA, in collaboration with the Federal Aviation Administration, of pilots on long haul flights. One group of pilots was given an opportunity to take 40 minute naps mid-flight, and ended up getting an average of 26 minutes of actual sleep. Their median reaction time improved by 16 percent following their naps.
Non-napping pilots, tested at a similar halfway point in the flight, experienced a 34 percent deterioration in reaction time. They also experienced 22 micro sleeps of 2-10 seconds during the last 30 minutes of the flight. The pilots who took naps experienced none.
If you’re like me, you won’t be piloting a plane anytime soon. But I know that I am my best wife, mom, friend, and leader when I feel rested. If you want to get more done, you probably need to rest more. At least I know I do.
I don’t think I’ve ever been invited to attend, let alone speak, at a youth ministry training event in which “Collaborative” was the primary noun. And yet on Saturday, February 11, I will be in Grand Rapids speaking about Sticky Faith at the Mars Hill Student Collaborative.
Having talked with Josh Bishop from Mars Hill yesterday, I know he’s serious about the goal of making the day as collaborative as possible, even though hundreds of youth leaders will be there from a host of different churches. I think it’s going to be a fantastic day of learning and growth for all of us, and I hope you can join us.
One of the things I know about 2012 is that for FYI to have the impact we dream of, we have to collaborate.
Would you say the same thing about your dreams, especially those that relate to teenagers?
If you’re a youth leader, will you really be able to change your city’s teenagers if you don’t collaborate with other leaders/ministries?
If you’re a parent, will you really be able to be the parent you want to be if you’re not encouraged, supported, and held accountable by other parents?
For me, the resounding answer to both of those questions is “No way”.
Where does collaboration fit in your plans for 2012? Are you satisfied with your answer? Do you need to review your goals (even though it’s only 5 days into the year) and weave through some more threads of collaboration?
I have always loved reading about leadership. I probably own more books about leadership than any single topic.
I think that’s part of why I so enjoy articles and blogs in the Harvard Business Review. I love learning about some of the most recent (or re-claimed) thinking and research about how to better influence individuals and groups.
In the midst of all the 2011 recap lists I’ve seen during the past 10 days, one of the most valuable to me was HBR’s Most Popular Blog Posts in 2011. I think my favorite blogs on this list are #1, #4, and #10.
This reminder was helpful from the #1 post when it comes to being specific about goals:
When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. “Lose 5 pounds” is a better goal than “lose some weight,” because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there. Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you’ll “eat less” or “sleep more” is too vague — be clear and precise. “I’ll be in bed by 10pm on weeknights” leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do, and whether or not you’ve actually done it.
Whether you lead a church, a company, or want to implement these sorts of principles in your household, I hope they help set your 2011 off to a great start.
In today’s new FYI E-Journal, we’re excited to share about the release of two new Sticky Faith curriculum products to accompany the books released last fall:
Sticky Faith Teen Curriculum: 10 Lessons to Nurture Faith Beyond High School
Watch this video to learn more about this now-available curriculum geared toward high school juniors and seniors.
How Do I See Myself After Graduation?
In this free sample session from the Sticky Faith Teen Curriculum, you can engage students around questions of identity formation.
NEW CURRICULUM FOR PARENTS:
This 5-session DVD-based curriculum presents powerful strategies and practical ideas to help parents encourage their children’s spiritual growth, enabling them to develop a faith that sticks. Watch this video to learn more!
