Family Dinners—Magical or Mythical?

Sep 04, 2014 Kara Powell

Photo by Sam Simon.

In celebration of the release of The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family, is hosting a “Blog Tour” to share some of the book’s research highlights and practical ideas. This research finding about family dinners is further unpacked in chapter ten: “Home Sticky Home: Making Your House a Hub of Faith”.

All sorts of blog posts and books tout the benefits of family dinners. Are regular family dinners part of a magical formula that can bring harmony and happiness to your home?

The best answer from research is, Sort of.

Kids who have dinner with their families seem to make better choices and avoid disorders and high-risk behaviors including depression, delinquency, and drug and alcohol use. But when researchers took into account other differences between families who have dinner together and those who don’t (such as differences in overall relationship quality, parental monitoring, and shared activities), the effects of family dinners diminished drastically.

In other words, the parents who value family dinners seem also to build healthy and caring bonds with their kids in a host of other ways.[[Kelly Musick and Ann Meier, “Assessing Causality and Persistence in Associations Between Family Dinners and Adolescent Well-Being,” Journal of Marriage and Family 74 (June 2012): 476–93.]]

Family dinner conversations are a bright light in these parents’ relationships with their children, but they are only one star in a constellation of connections that already shines brightly. So while dinner is a natural opportunity for families to communicate, it’s not the secret sauce of Sticky Faith families. The ongoing involvement and conversation between parents and kids is what matters most, whether or not it happens over a tablecloth.

How have family dinners helped your family grow closer to each other? What other times of the day are great opportunities for communication and connection?

The Best Untapped Sticky Faith Resource in Your Church

Sep 02, 2014 Kara Powell

Photo by Meral Crifasi.

In celebration of the release of The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family, is hosting a “Blog Tour” to share some of the book’s research highlights and practical ideas. This story about an amazing senior adult and research about grandparents is from chapter seven: “Grandparents and Senior Adults: The Magic of Intergenerational Interaction.”

Every kid needs a Ruth.

Every family needs a Ruth.

Every church needs a Ruth.

Even though I spent only a few minutes with Ruth, she permanently colored my picture of senior adults’ impact in faith-pursuing families.

Ruth wore thick glasses and appeared to be in her late eighties. After hearing me present our research about Sticky Faith families at an evening church seminar, she approached me as I was putting away my laptop, to share her own strategy for helping students stay connected with God.

Ruth explained, “At the start of every fall, I ask our church for a list of the high school seniors who have just graduated. I get those students’ names and addresses, and I write them all letters to let them know I’m thinking of them and praying for them. I tell them they don’t have to write me back, and most don’t. But when they come home at Thanksgiving or Christmas, they thank me for writing them.”

As I drove away from the host church, I couldn’t stop thinking about Ruth. Her willingness to put pen to paper to write each student one letter at the start of every fall was inspiring.

The next day, I felt prompted to share about Ruth as I was teaching our Sticky Faith research in the same city but to a different audience. Or as I was about to find out, to a mostly different audience.

After I described Ruth and her amazing commitment to write one letter at the start of every fall to each high school graduate, an audience member raised his hand. I called on him, and he stood to explain, “I was here last night and saw Ruth talking to you. I know Ruth. We’re part of the same church. She doesn’t write those high school graduates once at the start of every fall. She writes them every week.”

Maybe you’re thinking what I and many audience members said aloud that day: Wow.

Ruth reminds us that there’s a group of people with untapped potential to don a jersey and join your family’s Sticky Faith team.

Senior adults.

Grandparents Are More Involved Than Ever

Grandparents. Some are biological grandparents, meaning they are related to your kids. Others are adopted, or “functional,” grandparents, meaning they are not genetically related to your family but play the same role and relate to your kids like grandparents.[[Adapted from the definition of “functional family” in Diana R. Garland, Family Ministry (Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity, 1999), 38.]]

Either way, the data supports what you may have noticed as you’ve looked at who is picking up kids after school: grandparents are more involved than ever.

According to gerontologist Dr. Vern Bengtson from the University of Southern California, the following factors are contributing to this increase in grandparents’ engagement.

• Senior adults’ health is improving, and their life expectancy is increasing.

• As more and more families have two parents who work outside of the home, grandparents are providing more after-school care.

• Grandparents have new ways to connect with their grandchildren through technology like Skype, Facebook, and text messaging.

As a result of these and other cultural factors, Bengtson and his team surmise that “Gen Xers and Millennials will have greater involvement with their grandparents—and, for some, their great-grandparents—than any previous generation of grandchildren in American history.”[[Vern L Bengtson, Norella M Putney and Susan Harris, Families and Faith (New York: Oxford University Press, 2013), 100.]]

In what ways have you seen senior adults build Sticky Faith in children and teenagers?

Adding Sticky Faith To Birthdays

Aug 28, 2014 Kara Powell

Photo by tednmiki.

In celebration of the release of The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family, is hosting a “Blog Tour” to share some of the book’s research highlights and practical ideas. This story about the amazing men who surround our son comes from chapter six: “Community: The Power of Five Faith-Building Adults”.

When Nathan turned thirteen, he didn’t just have a birthday. He had a birth-month.

Dave and I wanted Nathan to know that as he officially became a teenager, he wasn’t stepping through the hallway from childhood to adolescence alone. He had a team who walked through that passageway with him, cheering him on.

So two months before his birthday, Dave, Nathan, and I identified five men who were already influential in his life. We emailed each man, asking him if he’d be open to spending a few hours with Nathan during his birthday month. In addition to their using those hours to make a deposit into their relational account with Nathan, we also asked each to share with Nathan one piece of life advice and one piece of spiritual advice.

These men are busy fathers and grandfathers, but to our delight, each accepted. So five different men—ages thirty-seven to seventy-two—spent a few hours with Nathan that month. From golfing to a sunrise hike, these men shared memories, life stories, advice, and prayers. As Nathan recounted to Dave and me what he had learned from each man, we were filled with gratitude to God for these godly men who were pouring themselves into Nathan and our family.

To memorialize the time with these five men, Dave and Nathan built a wooden “team box” the size of a shoebox. In the box, we placed pictures of Nathan with each man, as well as a written copy of each man’s spiritual and life advice. As God brings other amazing men across Nathan’s path, we plan on asking them to spend some time with Nathan and adding their pictures and advice to Nathan’s team box. The box now sits on Nathan’s bookshelf, a palpable reminder of the amazing men who are already on Nathan’s team, as well as those who we pray will join in future years.

Dave and I are not that creative.

We never would have come up with this ritual that we’ve already done with Nathan—and plan to do with our two daughters as they turn thirteen—without the insights and ideas that emerged during our years of Sticky Faith research.

What have you done to make the birthdays in your family more significant and meaningful?

Tent City 4

Aug 27, 2014 Brad M. Griffin

When I saw this recent post by our former FYI team member Cody Charland, I thought, This is a story our friends need to hear.

Today marked the end of a 90-day stay at my church for a homeless camp, Tent City 4. Their time went by with 0 incidents and many blessings. 

It seems so long ago that we were fighting just to host the camp. I didn't share the same concerns many of our neighbors did, as I don't have property values, children, or that specific fear of the unknown. I'm thankfully oblivious to much. 

But I was terrified of one thing. 

What is church for if we ignore our neighbor? 

I learned through this experience that we can't keep singing, preaching, and meeting together if we don't get our hands dirty and follow through on loving God and neighbor. It's vanity otherwise. I think our faith community needed this experience as bad as the camp needed a place to stay. 

While this isn't that ocean front view I've dreamed of... My office window had front-row seats to the camp. It reminded me daily that good fences don't make good neighbors. Good neighbors make good neighbors.

I got on the phone with Cody to understand a bit more of the backstory and what they learned through the experience.

Cody’s church is in Issaquah, Washington, a suburb of Seattle. Churches fill the gap in homeless services around the city by hosting semi-permanent camps, called “tent cities.” Their church was approached about hosting one of these camps. Initially there was significant pushback from neighbors and from some church members. There’s a preschool connected to the church, which created all kinds of understandable concerns. But ultimately the church voted to do it. Some families did actually leave the church and preschool as a result, causing a financial hit for both.

I probed a bit more, and here’s what Cody shared about the experience:

How does it work?

An external group coordinates the homeless camp and creates the structure for the process. County and local governments require that a camp in any particular location can only extend for ninety days. That means most tent cities have to move every three months to new locations around the city.

Background checks are done before residents can enter the camp. Residents have to be over age 18 and have to provide proper identification. Sometimes local police bring potential residents by to see if the tent city can be a viable alternative for life on the streets or in limited shelters. Many tent city residents work or attempt to work jobs, and the tent city provides a safe place for them to live and keep their belongings while they are at work.

The tent city set up in our parking lot, and we let them use our church building for eating and to keep dry during the heavy spring rains. They have a trailer on site to use as a shower facility.

What was safety like?

Our camp was previously at a local Catholic parish. The last week of their term, a few residents were arrested (and immediately kicked out of the camp) for drugs. This raised all kinds of concerns about safety at our church. We set up a schedule of church volunteers who patrolled during school hours, and put up a fence around the preschool playground. We didn’t have any safety or drug incidents during our term. The only time we heard from the police was when they asked us why the camp was so quiet.

How did your church respond? Did they engage the residents?

Surprisingly, people responded wholeheartedly once the camp was here. There are a lot of retirees in our congregation, and many of them were leaders in their professional careers. They gave a ton of time and resources to this. The church rallied to bring in job coaches, barbers and hair stylists, and other folks who could help residents prepare for and seek out employment.

When it came to Sundays, some of the residents attended worship. The congregation did a great job of reaching out and welcoming them as guests. But none of the residents were invited to pray, read scripture, or help lead the service in any way, which was really disappointing.

In retrospect, our congregation as a whole was probably theologically unprepared to serve this group. When asked why we were hosting the camp, often we responded with a vague answer, like “they needed a place to say” or “we’re supposed to do this.” I wish we had been able to talk as a congregation about how our faith compels us to live out care for the poor and oppressed. According to Jesus, we are feeding him when we feed these brothers and sisters.

What about response from the youth ministry?

Our group responds well to things that are scheduled ahead of time. So in advance we scheduled three times we would intentionally cook and share dinner with the residents while we were hosting the tent city. These went really well, and students jumped right in.

Would you do it again?

Absolutely! We would have kept them longer if their permit hadn’t expired. Our church was really beginning to rally around this community and support them.

Perhaps what’s most surprising is that it was surprising to people that a church would do this. Sometimes I get tired of talking about Jesus and just want to do something that is Jesus. The things we talk, sing, and pray about take on new life when we back them up with our actions. 

What to do if your teenager doesn’t want to spend time with you

Aug 26, 2014 Kara Powell

Photo by Al Lafolie.

In celebration of the release of The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family, is hosting a “Blog Tour” to share some of the book’s research highlights and practical ideas. This story begins chapter 5: “Connecting: Finding Ways to Relate to Your Teenager.”

“What if my teenager doesn’t want to spend time with me?”

It’s a common question, one our team is asked almost every time we share the secrets of Sticky Faith families.

My favorite answer is to share the story of Nora, a mom who has used our research to bridge the divide with her son. Seventeen-year-old Sam walled himself off from Nora and the rest of the family eighteen months ago. The only time Sam leaves his room is when he’s hungry (which, luckily for Nora, is often). But when she tries to start up a conversation while Sam’s standing in front of the refrigerator or the microwave, she’s greeted with one-syllable answers: “Fine,” “Nope,” or “Uh-uh.”

Longing for a deeper relationship, Nora has tried to connect with Sam. But every time she offers to take him out for a meal or do something fun, he refuses. He’d rather shut himself in his room and go online or play video games than be with her.

But Sam does love going to movies.

So Nora has become a student of film. She tracks movie release dates, visits movie websites, and has learned the nuances of various directors and actors.

The only time Sam says yes to Nora’s invitations to do something with her is when she asks Sam to a movie. On the way to the movie, the two of them discuss what they know about the film and what they hope it will be like. Driving home, they evaluate the movie and share their favorite scenes. At times Sam even opens up about connections he sees between the film and his own experiences. The roundtrip conversation is Nora’s best window into her son’s life and heart.

Because of this, Nora tries to pick theaters that are far away, so they have more time in the car together.

She also tries to suggest movies that have a spiritual flavor. Hints of spiritual growth in the films’ characters occasionally prompt Sam to talk about his spiritual journey—at least for a few sentences.

Nora doesn’t really like movies all that much, but she likes her son. As with the majority of the Sticky Faith parents we interviewed, Nora is willing to leave the well-worn path of her own comfort and preferences to journey with her teenager.

How do you try to connect with your kids’ interests?

Talking with young people about Ferguson, we can’t keep ignoring it

Aug 25, 2014 Brad M. Griffin

Earlier this summer I shared a TED photo essay of images illustrating inequality. Sadly, this genre of images has become a lot more readily available on the news over the past days as events in Ferguson have exploded.

It’s been more than two weeks now since Michael Brown’s death just after noon on Saturday August 9th. The four hours his body lay in the open street uncovered have been well-documented. That scene has been called the spark behind a “combustible worldwide story of police tactics and race in America,” and it’s still playing out in both violent and peaceful ways in Ferguson and far beyond.

To be sure, this is an open-ended story, one that’s tied up in generations of injustice as much as it is the local uprising of a St. Louis suburb. But I bet students wherever you live are processing not only the actions of the police or protestors, but also the ongoing and haunting updates flowing from news outlets and social media.

This week I was especially moved by a piece that covered kids—children and teenagers—at the frontlines of protest. Many of them are there with their parents, who “have lived these scenes over and over — and they are doing everything they can to change it for their kids.” One parent interviewed about bringing her kids to the protest said she “wanted them to see the unrest firsthand in order to better understand why it was happening and that it was OK to be angry — and even more acceptable to talk about it.”

But what are we saying in our ministries and homes about what’s going on in Ferguson?

A couple of years ago, my neighborhood made national news following the shooting of an unarmed 19-year-old black man by a white police officer. While the days and weeks following that event were comparatively tame in light of Ferguson, in reflecting on how to help youth workers process race-related events like this, I shared a few quotes that I’ll share again here from our work with the Deep Justice in a Broken World project a few years back, both from interviews with nonwhite leaders. First, Efrem Smith:

To say you don’t see skin color is unhealthy, but to attribute everything to skin color is just as unhealthy. I think multiple ethnicities, cultures, and languages are opportunities to see the creative power of our loving God. At the same time, if everything is attributed to race or ethnicity, then we build stereotypes by believing, “All White people think like this,” or “All Black people are like this.” Those stereotypes begin to fuel prejudice.

And Lina Thompson:

I think that the degree to which we have meaningful relationships with people who are different ethnically and culturally is the degree to which meaningful conversations about race can take place. I cannot limit myself to people just like me.

As we hold the tension between the extremes of either ignoring race or making everything about race, somewhere in between we find that dialogue can be a source of growth and healing. But that requires us to not limit ourselves to those who are “just like me.” With that in mind, here are a few ideas for talking with your students about what’s going on in response to Ferguson.

1. Encourage young people to listen to voices that are not like them.

We most especially need to listen to voices of different races, and if you’re white like me, this means listening to black friends, along with the voices who’ve had the courage to speak up thoughtfully online. Here’s one from Bryan Loritts of Fellowship Memphis, one of our Sticky Faith Cohort churches. Bryan writes, “We will never experience true Christian unity when one ethnicity demands of another that we keep silent about our pain and travails. The way forward is not an appeal to the facts as a first resort, but the attempt to get inside each others skin as best as we can to feel what they feel, and understand it.”

2. Talk with young people about systemic issues of injustice.

We’d often rather not acknowledge the reality of power, privilege, and the differences in perception on race in our country, the latter of which continue to grow wider and wider gaps between racial groups. But only some of us can afford to go about our lives refusing to acknowledge these truths.

According to more than one sociologist, we carry something like an invisible backpack of privileges and/or limitations based on our race (the same is true of gender). For those who are white Americans, this pack is filled with opportunities that we usually don’t ever think about or realize.

Peggy McIntosh’s work on White Privilege is telling. In her classic “daily effects of white privilege” list, she highlights fifty points that, in general, apply to most white Americans. (Note that permission is required for use of the full list). Here are just a few of her observations:

  • I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
  • If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.
  • I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.
  • I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.
  • When I am told about our national heritage or about “civilization,” I am shown that people of my color made it what it is.
  • I do not have to educate my children to be aware of systemic racism for their own daily physical protection.
  • I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race.
  • I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.

More than twenty years later, this list (all 50) mostly still holds up. Simply becoming aware of this reality can open a whole new window of understanding for those who have worn unnoticed backpacks of privilege every day of their lives.

3. Caution teenagers that hashtag activism only goes so far.

Similar to the ALS “ice bucket challenge” craze that is sweeping up many kids who have no idea what ALS even is (or why they may or may not want to invest in the cause), it’s easy to get on a social media bandwagon in support of causes we know little about. Even when we do understand, sometimes sharing a post, quote, or using a hashtag in support can be an inoculation to actually caring or helping in tangible ways (and I say this as someone who has actively participated in this kind of self-inoculation). Nor does it drive us to seek Jesus on our knees. In a piece this week on both the importance and limits of hashtag activism, Ebony Adedayo writes,

[H]ashtag activism can’t foster the change alone. #MikeBrown raises awareness but it doesn’t change systems. #IfTheyGunnedMeDown provokes critical thinking, but it doesn’t shift worldviews. Change isn’t going to happen just through these essential tools but through Jesus.

4. Lament together with young people in your community in solidarity with those in Ferguson and all who live on the margins of power.

Last week Rachel Held Evans shared a few responses on the Sojourners blog encouraging us as we watch from a distance that we’re “Not as helpless as we think: Three ways to stand in solidarity with Ferguson.” I am so glad that one of her primary encouragements is to lament, because that’s just what scripture calls us to do in the face of hard questions, unspeakable traumas, societal injustice, and our own sin. How long, oh Lord? is one of the most-repeated phrases in scripture for good reason, and we can read, pray, and sing it together from scripture and from our own deep wells of confusion about what’s going on in Ferguson and beyond. The good news is that God can handle our questions and fears, and isn’t surprised by them.

And at the end of the day, we and the residents of Ferguson have the hope of Jesus and the resurrection to cling to. One day all things will be made new, and every tribe, tongue, and nation will come before the One who created and loves them all deeply, having made them in his own image. Come, Lord Jesus.

What are you doing to help students talk, pray, and respond to events in Ferguson?

Free Live Sticky Faith Webcast with Kara Powell and Brad Griffin

Aug 20, 2014 Fuller Youth Institute

Kara Powell and Brad Griffin had the opportunity to share about the Fuller Youth Institute's newest resource, The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family. Check out the interview with the Youth Specialities team below. 

Want more?

  1. Check out our exlucsive interview with danah boyd, leading researcher at Microsoft.
  2. Find out more about the Sticky Faith Guide For Your Family and download a free chapter.
  3. Sign up for our free monthly resources.

What Every Woman and Girl Needs to Know About Models

Aug 19, 2014 Kara Powell

I have yet to meet a female over about age 13 (and often it’s more like about age 10) who hasn’t looked at pictures of women in advertisements or other media and thought, “I wish I looked like that.”

But there is a secret behind those images. One that all females need to know. It’s a freeing message that we need to share with the women and girls we care about.

In real life, those female models don’t even look like their pictures.

Want proof? Check out these “before” and “after” shots of some celebrity women who have been photoshopped, including Madonna, Tyra Banks, and Heidi Klum. (Warning: A few pictures feature scantily clad women.)

The contrast is stunning.

Faith Hill’s arms instantly become thinner. Cameron Diaz magically gains a perfectly flat belly. Every single woman’s skin is more golden and less blotchy. Wrinkles and laugh lines disappear.

When I see these types of pictures, I feel two emotions: anger and determination. Anger that females are held captive to unrealistic images of the female body. Determination to share the message that the models and actresses who can make us feel insecure don’t even look like their pictures.

These most recent pictures are just one stream in a river of online resources that shed light on the problem of unrealistic images, as well as how we can respond. This 3 minute Dove video about selfies raises some great insights about the real meaning of beauty. And here’s insight into Seventeen’s Body Peace Treaty, in which the magazine has pledged not to change girls’ bodies or face shapes.

So will you join us at the Fuller Youth Institute in our determination to share the message that the media’s portrayal of “beauty” is often unrealistic? If your answer is yes, here’s what you can do:

  1. Show these pictures to young people you know – especially females. Ask them to identify the differences in the “before Photoshop” and “after Photoshop” images. When I did this last night with my 11 year-old daughter, she noticed more discrepancies than I did.
  2. Talk with young people about how they feel when they see these pictures. What about these pictures makes them sad? Angry? Glad? 
  3. Decide the messages you collectively want to remember when you see ads that make you feel inferior. When I was a high school student, I remember my youth pastor, Mike DeVito, saying that “God doesn’t make anything less than a perfect ten.” I probably told myself that mantra over 100 times when I would feel insecure and it filled me with confidence and courage.
  4. Beware of the messages you are (unknowingly) sending about physical beauty. Parents, do you only compliment your children’s appearance when they are well-scrubbed and well-dressed? How do you talk about your own body’s curves and “flaws”? Leaders, do you tend to shower kids who promote their appearance with more attention and positive affirmation? 

What else do you do to help females recognize the unrealistic images of beauty in media, and embrace their own inner beauty?    

How the Post Office Can Help Build Sticky Faith

Aug 13, 2014 Kara Powell

Photo by Jasmine Fitzwilliam.

In celebration of the release of The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family, is hosting a “Blog Tour” to share some of the book’s research highlights and practical ideas. This story from my own experience in college is described in chapter 12: “Sticky Transitions: Helping Kids Leave Home with a Faith of Their Own.”

The two credit card applications I expected. The handwritten letter was a surprise.

It was my first day on campus as a college freshman. With the help of my parents and two RAs, all of my belongings had been carried from my Toyota to my dorm room that morning. I had unpacked my clothes, plugged in my Macintosh computer (a light-grey tower about the size of three cereal boxes), spread out my new blue and white bedspread, and strategically placed my Bible on a visible but not too obvious shelf above my desk.

About the time I was wondering what to do next, my roommate walked in. I immediately liked Tammy. Not only was she cheerful and friendly, but she was also a Christian (a rarity at my college) who was taller than me (I’m six feet tall, so that’s even more of a rarity). A few other freshmen on our floor swung by our room and asked us if we wanted to walk a few blocks with them to check our PO boxes. Not having anything pressing to do and wanting to get to know our floormates, Tammy and I agreed.

Upon opening my PO box, I immediately discarded the two credit card brochures. My mom had warned me about those.

As I chucked the applications, I was surprised to find a handwritten note. It was from Pamela, one of the high school small group leaders in my home church. The week before I had packed up my car for the drive to college, Pamela had asked my mom for my new school address. She wasn’t even my small group leader, but she knew enough about life at college that she wanted a cheerful greeting from home to be waiting for me.

I walked back to my dorm room and taped that note from Pamela to the right of my mirror. Her note stayed there until Christmas, a daily reminder that my home church was thinking about me and praying for me. I had not been forgotten.

In the twenty-five years since I opened that mailbox, technology has expanded the quantity and quality of pipes we can use to shower high school graduates with our care and concern. Our research team recently heard from Sheila, a mom who asked a number of her church friends to write to her son Matthew, who was heading to a college fifteen hundred miles from home. A week later Matthew posted on Facebook, “I’ve only been at college for a week, and I have already received countless letters, texts, and posts from my home church. Thank you all so much! Every letter has encouraged me to keep my faith strong. With all the ‘options’ out there at college, it’s comforting to know that I have a church family back home supporting me and my beliefs. If you haven’t written to a college student yet, I encourage you to do so. It will make their day!

To Sheila’s delight, Matthew received letters from folks she hadn’t directly asked to write him. Upon hearing from others about her invitation, they had decided to pick up a pen to let Matthew know that while he was out of sight, he wasn’t out of mind.

How have you used mail to help build Sticky Faith in young people?

Spread the Word.

How Vacations Build Sticky Faith

Aug 11, 2014 Kara Powell

Photo by .fulvio.

In celebration of the release of The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family, is hosting a “Blog Tour” to share some of the book’s research highlights and practical ideas. This story about my family and research that emerged from our interviews with 50 amazing parents is from chapter nine: “Vacation!  Downtime Ways to Build Sticky Faith.”

I’ve lived with two different men for sixteen years each.

One is my husband. We have been married for sixteen years and are still going strong.

The other is my brother.

Matt is eighteen months younger than me, and we have always been close. We grew up sharing not only the same last name and parents but also the same sense of humor and commitment to our faith.

The week before Matt’s wedding, I handwrote a four-page letter listing highlights of our relationship.

Like when we played hours of Go Fish at a picnic table and I kept winning. My secret? His mirrored sunglasses allowed me to see his cards.

Or the “rap” (quotation marks definitely warranted), which we adapted from a TV show, that repeated over and over again, “We have some fun but we get the job done.” Even though we made up the song while we were in elementary school, almost every time we are together, we hum a few bars and chuckle.

Or sharing the back seat of the car, sometimes bickering with each other but more often playing games and serving as map readers (generally me) and sign readers (generally Matt) to help our mom as she was driving.

All three of these memories happened on family vacations. In fact, about 50 percent of the memories I included in Matt’s prewedding letter were from trips together.

Matt and I went to the same schools, were on the same swim team, were part of the same church, and had adjoining bedrooms fifty weeks per year. But half of my fondest memories are from the two weeks each year when we were on a family vacation.

Placing Priority on Time Away Together

By far, the most common theme in Sticky Faith parents’ descriptions of their vacations is that they simply did them. They made them a priority. Despite all that parents were juggling, they didn’t drop that ball.

In the midst of this nearly universal priority placed on family travel, there was great variety in what these trips were like. Some families drove to the next state; others flew to the next continent.

Some loved camping and sleeping under the stars; others loved resorts and sleeping under a down comforter.

Some enjoyed returning to the same location annually; others determined to head to a new destination every year.

Some wanted as much adventure and excitement as possible; others preferred decompressing by the pool, doing as little as possible.

Regardless of the size of the vacation budget, these Sticky Faith families invested days each year to be together, away from the normal hassles and pressures felt by adults and kids alike. As one dad described, “Whether we stay close or go far, our trips together build trust. This might sound strange, but it is almost like we buy back family intimacy on every vacation. The bonding that happens is worth every penny.”

How do vacations contribute to your family relationships and faith?

Spread the Word.