Change and Conflict
February 25, 2010
Last week Kara shared about Dr. Scott Cormode’s presentation at our Sticky Faith Learning Cohort summit. One of the parts of Scott’s training I most appreciated was about the inevitability of conflict when we’re trying to produce change. Sometimes we act surprised when conflict pops up or someone presses back against our good idea, but we should know better.
In fact, Scott reminded us that change produces conflict because change always involves loss, which of course is part of why people avoid change. Loss typically triggers a grief process (generally a cycle of denial, anger/blame, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – but not always in that order). The most typical first response we get to a suggested change is denial, and the second most typical response is anger. Which means if we want to introduce change to our contexts, we have to have a thick enough skin to realize that the predictably-ensuing anger is not just about us. In fact, it may not be about us at all. It’s part of the process of loss and grief.
So Scott has memorized this one line to communicate (out loud and in attitude) when trouble arises:
“This conflict will not undo us.”
Perfect. There’s more to it in his version – that our commitments to one another and Christ are stronger than this, and that the issue is serious but doesn’t have to tear us apart. It’s actually all beautiful and really helpful. But I love that line. I’m trying to memorize it myself.
©2010 Fuller Youth Institute