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When I first heard about Reggie Joiner’s “orange” philosophy, my first concern was that he didn’t value the impact of non-family adults in a kids’ life. Now that I have read Think Orange
Reggie tells a great story about his own relationship with his son. It’s such a good story that I’ll be telling it to other parents. So that you can share it with parents also, I’m going to basically transcribe it in this blog.
One night, Reggie’s sixteen year-old son, Reggie Paul, came home past curfew because he had been out on a date with a girl. Reggie remembers,
I confronted him in his room. I said something that probably wasn’t the wisest thing for a father to say…I told him, ‘You are late coming home from a date, and I just need to know what’s going on in your relationship, and I need to know now. I want you to tell me everything.’
He looked at me and said exactly what you’d expect him to say: ‘No, I’m not going to tell you that.’
Then I said to him, ‘You have to tell me; I am your father.’
He said, ‘No, I’m not going to tell you because you are my father. You make the rules.
I was so flustered. I felt paralyzed. I didn’t know what to do.
The next day, I showed up at Andy Stanley’s office and said, ‘I just don’t understand it. I’m trying to get my son to tell me what’s going on, and he won’t tell me anything.’
Andy thought for a second, then with his gift of mercy said to me, ‘Well, did you tell your father everything?’
The next day I went back to Reggie Paul. I said, ‘I talked to Andy and he said he didn’t tell his father everything either, and I should understand why you won’t tell me everything. I’m trying to be okay with that. But here’s the question: if you won’t tell me, then who will you tell?’
His response was easy. He said, ‘That’s fair. I’ll tell you who I’ll talk to.’ He named someone.
As soon as he said the name, I felt a huge sense of relief because the person he named had been a lifelong friend of mine.
That’s the type of web of relationships every student needs, and that’s the type of relationships every parent and youth worker can point students toward.
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August 8th, 2010 at 7:45 am
What is the (or) role a christian school should play in the Orange Strategy. I have been in Christian Education for 30 yrs. and understand how school and church can stretch the family in too many directions.