Breaking Down Duality on Facebook

“I’m here at the National Mall. Where are all the stores?!!  There’s nothing here but a bunch of lame museums!!!  WTF?”

I saw this status update on facebook from one of the kids I work with at the local Christian middle school and it got me thinking.  This 14 year old girl is nothing but sweetness and light when I am with her in the classroom.  She is polite and funny and engaged and aside from the normal 14-year-old stuff, she is a pleasure to work with.  But there is another side to her that I don’t get to see, as her WTF comment made clear.

One of the things we know is that Christian kids, youth group kids, struggle with duality.  They are one way with youth workers and parents, but they can be an entirely different person with their peers.  Breaking down this duality is so critical to really getting to minister to the real kid.

That’s where facebook and other social networking sites can come in handy.  I have encouraged all the kids I work with at the middle school to add me as a friend.  Many of them have, so now I have this group of about 20 12 to 14 year olds that I can follow via facebook.  And I am learning a lot about them in the process.  Because these sites are almost exclusively populated by their friends, they are free to say whatever they want and they frequently do.  So here’s what I do:

I try to comment on their status updates.  I don’t want to be a lurker—that’s someone who cruises the pages but never comments. I want them to know that I am out there and that I’m reading their stuff.  I don’t want them to feel like I’m spying, so comments let them know I’m paying attention. So far this has never inhibited what they write.  They still let it fly!

And I never correct or criticize via comments.  I don’t want to be un-friended.  But it does give me an opportunity to bring things up in conversation when we are together.  It can be a great conversation started: “Hey, I was checking out your facebook.  Not so much fun in D.C. huh?  Why’d they call it the National Mall if there aren’t any stores?”

Here’s the other thing: these students are checking out my facebook. They are getting a glimpse into my life.  And it doesn’t effect or change what I do there. I want them to see my status updates, some of which are up-beat and positive and some that reveal that everything in my life isn’t perfect.  As much as I don’t want duality to typify their lives, I don’t want it to typify my life either.  So that the thing about social networking sites-they break down the walls give people a window in to what’s really going on.

©2009 Fuller Youth Institute